Thankful in November

I Love this picture and it is of the number one thing I'm thankful for. My tiny, darling little family. After four years of living with lung fibrosis I am still tempted to put them both up for adoption as NOTHING is ever easy for us, but we are happy and thriving. I'm also very grateful for the following:

My friends, Kristie and Lisa and Heidi and Nan and Terry and Jenifer especially this week!

My Mom for keeping me in style and needing me and my Dad for being there, making me book the Ranch an extra time and getting a new plane to take me to interview transplants hospitals (the U is not the best choice after all).

Trips, I just love em! Dar and Jade laughing together in Disneyland in August was precious to me. The trip to Cancun was a dream come true. Cellcept, it's still keeping me going! Exercise, without which for me there would be no energy, Word of Wisdom-had I smoked I surely would not be here and my brother's and sister's are all cute to point that out. Jade has a good Dad, and I have a good husband. He cleans, cooks and takes care of "his princesses". Dates, as in I really need one, I want to eat mexican food on Friday nite and laugh hard at the movies! New babies in our family, Kristy we can't wait for you to have her! My home, Ugh it needs some work but so many are losing theirs. Pets, ok Clue our one year old baby just gave us a scare and cost us a ton this week but she and Sox and Boo are so fun and worth it. Creativity, it banishes loneliness, I just am finishing a new scrapbook. Having a good kid, Jade thx for coming home and cleaning today, being my legs and being cheerful and a good student! You make being a mom such a joy and so easy! Prayer, without which I doubt I could face each day with courage living with such great uncertainty. The gospel, I can't even imagine where I or we would be as a family. The scriptures, reading them as a family has brought much peace. Fun, oh my gosh fun is definitely NOT overrated. As in, I had so much fun checking out Jade's haul of candy and picking out the stuff I love and she hates. Have a little fun everyday, for sure! Holidays, Oh I am excited for Christmas, not the stuff but the tree and the traditions and the happiness that is still the same. My Honda, I am driving a lot, I'm so grateful for this SUV. TV ok I love to just zone out to I love Carly with Jade or Cuddle upwith Dar. Books, even better, they take me away. Nature, I love to appreciate it in our beautiful Utah each day and take pictures. The list goes on forever so I bet your grateful I decided to stop. He, He, He!

Oh My! Jade won at the District Science Fair!

Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! I exclaimed as each name was called for fourth place in environmental entries because it was not Jade's name. We got clear to first and her name was NOT it! She stood there, very alone in front of everyone. Turns out they made a mistake and finally after she sat back down up front they called her name for third. I was thrilled! She got a medal and a very warm hug from our darling principal Mrs. Wagner. She was beaming. This project was a challenge from the first. Dad was tired the day we did the experiment. Jdegot sick right before it was due, it got away from us and Dar said, let's just get it done. I said ok. But... Jade and I were at Michael's (Dar was desparately trying to find a deal on a new printer, which he did get, go babe) I got this feeling not to do that. So, I said Jade, we're exhausted, crying and been through too much, but, I have a feeling your project is a winner and besides, if we are going to do it, we better do a good job. It was the least amount of money we ever spent on the board but we used our cricket and she called me the next day she called me (disappointed I was not there yet) and told me, by the way, I won third. Now on the day of the district fair I was very sick, up all night. Jade found a ride to the hotel but they were delayed. At the fair Cindy Burtz noticed Jade's absence and sprung into action. She was Jade's fairy godmother who got her to the ball! Love you Cindy! She made sure Jade had lunch money and brought her home. Last night I got to hug her and we took pics of our girls and their medals (Dar has those) and dished about hand bags. That same day I was sick, Heidi checked on me and brought a yummy dinner to us and took Jade to young womens. So, there it is, a great experience, difficulties and all. And, we got by with a little help from our friends! Thanks, Guys!

Love Your Family? Fix Dinner, an overdo Valentine's Blog

Chuckle, Chuckle, Chuckle. What I am about to say is tongue in cheek but actually quite true. I cannot tell you how many times other moms, teachers, leaders and coaches have commented on what an exceptionally great kid I have while looking at me and tilting their heads a little and looking a little surprized. Because, if you know me, really know me, I'm kinda a trainwreck. I'm creative (a good thing usually), chronically ill, somewhat disorganized, a little messy and definitely emotional. How I managed to be one of the longest married, grad school educated, PTA board nominated, children adoring (to the dismay of my furniture) real, true blue, died in the wool, appreciate every day, died in the wool, made to be a mom, I will never know...really. Except two things, the gospel and family time (including family dinner). I will explore this but first a couple funny examples of the shock I have witnessed at my ability to be a good mom over the years.


1. 1999 with my sisters at Trolley Square: I have 3 sisters and we had just lunched together with our toddlers. My youngest sisters jaw dropped to the floor when I refused to let toddler Jade ride unrestrained in the back of my sister's beemer suv unrestrained.

2. 2001 my mother-in-law, a former principal, tells me I'm just a great mom. This time my jaw was on the ground, she has witnessed my organization skills.

3. 2003 Jade's kindergarten teacher, the beloved Jill Chambers, calls me super-mom, even though I cannot manage to get the right materials for each child into their Tuesday folder.

4. Always my husband and I who are very different, and debate lots, defers to me usually when it comes to Jade. I still cannot believe this twelve years later.

5. I have one child but was unable to allow myself to purchase an SUV without the "third" seat, and we use it often. You would not believe the caliber of moms that have allowed my to transport their precious cargo...it's perplexing, even to me.

6. Anything I cannot bring myself to do (like take care of myself) for me, I can do for a child's sake, especially mine.

7. I cried last night because Jade could not have a certain snack because it was not chilled, I had left it accidentally in the bag, on the counter. Typical for me.

Anyway, I became a mom, the original plan was to be a business tycoon, my Dad and I even discussed how Dar would be the more present parent, while I entertained clients at dinners. I went to MBA school, then suddenly inexplicably left it, built a home in Layton, embraced the gospel more than ever and got blessed with Jade.

Long before Stouffer's said so, I heard about a study about family dinners and how great they were, I was very impressed. I am an even bigger believer in family prayer, meetings, scripture study and prayer. But say a little prayer for me because the rules have changed. Now that I have a tween, being a good mom means being at the ready (cell phone cannot be off or lost or not charged). Having an always picked up home helps a lot, organization is job one ( if you miss a beat, you lose their trust and confidence). And you can never get away with being a "bum" for a couple days because you are really sick, had a really bad day pain-wise, and just don't feel like doing your hair and making the bed. Your daughter, my daughter Jade, needs THAT kind of mom now. I have to be an example and invoke confidence. HEAVEN HELP ME!!!! But, I was a really neat kid before my parent's divorce, everything was in place. I can do it. I can do it for her, because she is great, and deserves a good mom at every stage. Just don't mention boys or junior high or heaven forbid college and marriage or I will cry because I miss her already.

Just For Us and Exclusion

At the mall Saturday getting Jade's glasses, I mentioned I had not blogged and she said "mom, have you seen that T shirt that says more people have read this t-shirt than read your blog" I laughed because it is probably so true!, so get over yourselves (you know who you are) and consider your real audience. You, your family and maybe some of your true friends, everyone else is just, well, snooping. But don't stop blogging, like I did for a while, because it's great stuff for you to read later. When I write my blogs I am either venting or capturing memories, that's it, I am always surprized to get such sweet comments from my blog buddies because I never expect anyone to "get" what I am writing about. My blog is just for us, me, my family, and my good friends, Heidi, Nicole, Christie and a few others.

Ok, here I am venting. There is nothing I detest more than cliques and exclusion. I don't get it, I have never been able to do it. I am popular at Jade's school and in our neighborhood and I think the more the merrier. When I see other's purposely leave others out I am hurt, even if it is not me. I just do not get the clique thing or anyone in one who wants to include someone and does not dare stand up to the others. Never had a problem with this, never will. And watch out if you leave me out because I will call you out. It is very un-cool ladies, petty, a sign of inferior intelligence, rude, mean, unchristian, shallow, unbecoming, oh and I better not hear any of my family or friends say what I heard a five year old say today (echoing an adult), "They are just too odd" newsflash, we are all odd in some way or another so get out that mormon ad catalog and order the one about including others because you are hurting someone and that makes you the one who will be left out in the cold. And when you are, call me, I would love to include you in whatever I have going on with friends, neighbors, the ward or the school. You will learn it is much more rewarding and fun this way. Peace

Too busy to blog, Monsters and Aliens and Twins-oh my, Jade's school "Peace Academy", Jade's Garden, Twin Falls, My baby is growing up, Avon

I couldn't possibly begin to update everything in the title but I had to at least list it so I did not forget. I realize I need some extra blogs one for my journey through this illness and different but surprizingly satisfying new life, one to document Jade's Journey into becoming a young lady, and I will have to respect her and not blog about anything she considers private (almost everything) so it may be only for she and I, one for Avon-The Company For Women that has been a this girly-girl's perfect outlet, and I need a place to vent- a blog of stuff that has to go, including stuff I do, the list is getting longer everyday, and humorous, but it should also include the stuff I think is great. Yes, I know this is a huge, run-on sentence and I may not even fix it. I am sure I just made my blogging buddies laugh ( she can't even keep up with one blog) I say, this stuff is too good to miss recording. I will find a way at least to document my daughter's transitional state and my fight against lung fibrosis in addition to our family life because it is all wizzing by at the speed of light and someday I want to relive it. I am cherishing moments, so much so that mundane tasks have become very difficult to perform, until I realized that if I do not do them, they could ruin the moments. Things like getting even better organized, making sure we have a clean comfortable home to have these moments in, keeping the pantry stocked so I can bake anything on a moments notice for Jade and her crew, exercising so I can have energy and live to see these moments, making sure the cell is charged, my Olympus is in my purse and charged and keeping a check on my appearance and what I say so the burgeoning princess will not be mortified at this delicate stage. She rarely complains. This is tough for a creative, expressive, zany gal like me. I hope I can do it with some help and have time to have some fun with my interests which by the way your kids and husband need to see you having your own life, it makes them secure, proud, because your happy, not a domestic slave. So, this home is under new management, I am getting some outside help, everyone is going to pitch in like usual, I am going to be a electronic organizer and list guru, and put my will of steel and ability to discipline to better use, there is finally going to be a system for everything, and everything in its place, and a specific day I do things, unless of course I need to drop everything to take every kid in the neighborhood to the latest kid flick or park because that is why they are all here, hanging out, from age 2 to age to age 15! But it doesn't happen everyday for heaven's sake and I have lost that urge to run, I am home mostly, and it is great. I just want to have fun AND pass out exhausted on a made bed every day, in fresh jams because I spent a few quiet moments in the morning making the stupid thing and remembering to ask Dar to through in a load, I do not want to have ten days go by and think I have not been at our darling elementary, helping Jade's darling teacher, being greeted by some of our little fans. I just love it when I hear, Hi Jade's mom or even better, hi Jude. So, all you naturally organized mom' send me your tips, I know about fly lady, I want YOUR tips

Sweet "17 Anniversary, Bunko Photo's, Avon, and Oh ya, I hate spectrum (gifted) today!

I really need to blog daily, too much stuff happens in a day! Wednesday was our seventeenth wedding anniversary, (here are the bunko photo's, thanks Melissa, so much fun!) We got married on a Wednesday(good, special day, Tuesday's not so good for us) we are going to Tepanyaki (sp?) this weekend and Dar was so sweet. He got me a miche bag, the kind you can change the outside, a beautiful pendant, Godiva chocolate, and the classic book " The Four Feather's" oops should have underlined that, and rented the movie too. This is why, I was watching this feast for smart girls one night, with Heath Ledger, no doubt, I had tried to watch it before but just did not get into it. It was all about finding courage and facing the impossible, something I am doing right now, yep, my doctor's want me to check in with transplant while I am strong but between you and me, it is not the time, not yet. God has another plan for me yet. Anyway, I was riveted at 2 a.m. because I can't sleep,could you? And all of a sudden the DVR stopped, end of recording, something else took over and started taping. I mildly complained the next morning kind of groggily and mentioned that I may read the book before I finish the movie, helped Dar get Jade off to school, and climbed with Jade's blankie back into bed and went right to sleep, thankfully, I finally got some rest. So, when he led me into the front room to present his gifts like a knight, that's really what he reminded me of, I was so touched that he had paid attention (of course he did, heck ya I'm the flipping princess) to my groggy account of what I had seen of four feathers on my HD in HD that he also bought for me when I got sick, and that me, the book and film buff hadn't been so captivated in such a long time. He heard me, he listened, he is a prince and I recommend it but you probably won't be as enamored as I was until you face the bigggest monster there is, fear itsself. Guess who else loved it, my little genius Jade, we watched the second half together tonight. There is a great line about the precious memories of the time we fight side by side, that's Dar and Jade and I, in this desert, fighting side by side, making precious memories.

Avon Calling!

Jade got this idea I should sell avon because we love certain products and had no one to buy from. I thought about it for a while, now I am doing it. Purely fun and shopping and saving money, don't we need lipstick in our year supply? Anyway, it has been a lot of fun and I am determined to use it to do something nice for my family, friends and Jade's teacher's (all of them) that work so hard by giving great discounts, my discounts to be precise so when you get the catalog remember the stuff with a diamond before it, shoes, bags, gifts we do not get a discount but everything else, ya baby, if you are a girly girl or love deals on stuff we have to have like shampoo, some makeup, moisturizer, gifts, the twenty minute mini vacation the catalog provides, then Jude the new AVON girl is your new best friend. visit my website under 84040 zip code on Avon's site, call me if you want salon grade shampoo for $2 NOW, skin so soft for $2, princess lip balm or cars lip balm, tinker bell too .34 cents with my discount or a lipstick for $3 ultra color rich spf 15 and lip conditioning. This is even better than when I played wedding consultant and helped single mom's outfit their brides in 99 dollar dresses by accessorising (one mom cried and hugged me) because this is for us haven't been brides in a while, too. I get to play with makeup, Heee Heee Heee, my first shipment arrives tomorrow! Poor Heidi, first you have to support me during chemo, then bunko, now AVON, you were cute letting me pick products for you yesterday, what a good friend.

Speaking of Heid being a good friend she came to the rescue like a fairy godmother, how she puts up with me I will never know, again today while I sulked and cried on the sofa not answering her calls chanting, I hate Spectrum! I hate Spectrum! I really hate it today! My heart got broken today, people can be so cruel, I am not talking about kids, and I think that happens so our friends can cheer us up. We went out to dinner all of us except Brent, he was in SF, my city, and Heidi made Dar laugh about how I tried to get her to sell AVON, and Garrett and I took pics of everyone. Heid showed me her photo's from her class at Weber (Beautiful) , defended me to Jade, hugged me and told me I was right and when she is a teacher she will remember this! My Nan, mom in law, recent former principal thought it was an outrage the way the news was delivered (COLD), nevermind, I do not want to talk about it to protect the innocent, namely Jade. I am exhausted now, I think I will blog more often, it's 2:42 a.m. told ya I couldn't sleep! Maybe I will go on LDS.ORG and volunteer, doing families group records, it's pretty easy, try it today, or look up your family stuff, you don't have to be LDS. Bye

My Awesome Girl, ya Bunco was great but this was better!

Jade saved the day for my Bunco party! I was having a "oh my gosh I am seriously ill day," because of stabbing lung pain after major home projects for a couple weeks and I felt awful. Jade saw the tears behind my sunglasses when I picked her up from school. She said don't worry mama, I will help you. She herself was hungry and battling a cold yet thinking of me. She had gone snowboarding (was Not going to tell her no) after she made it to school all week, the night before, YET, she cleaned, she cooked, she called her friend to help fill in for two moms who did not make it and she won the first bunco. She was even gracious when she got the lamest prize I had, what a kid, I love this kid, she is sooo great. She even welcomed my guests as I was trying to get ready at the last minute. We had a great time, and a great turnout. Melissa took pics, the house looked beautiful, Heidi made it despite her crazy schedule, I was touched, and everyone determined to be there, made it. Again, I was so touched, my girlfriends are the best! The pics will come soon, everyone loved the chicken pasta salad,yep, Jade made it, no lie, and everyone loved the game and the prizes. Three of us did not get a prize so I wish I had something for everyone, sorry Julie and Janet's friend, sorry me, I was terrible. So tired, next time I will do a few more things ahead of time (like the shopping) I could not stop taking an extra roll but we all laughed big! I swear I only took tylenol for the pain. We missed Janene a lot, she wanted to come and her baby was so sick, husband at a campout. Do not worry Janene you and I will have even more fun next time. Kristi, you are so awesome for making it (early, sorry) after helping your very sick friend all week. I love ya girl. We had a handbag exchange, we were all happy. Nic I was determined to do this update for you we missed you too, you are right, I need to post often! Someday, I won't remember what I went through to pull this off, it is soooo much more difficult than it used to be, but I will remember Jade racing around target trying to find dice, a bell, spices for the chicken and lime sherbet not to mention new bath rugs(oh ya, they were necassary) while while i slowly rode behind on my dorky target scooter watching her tear back and forth between the isles. I will never forget how you told me yesterday how you were proud of ME for doing the bunco thing, as we cuddled up and played my sims kingdom for hours and read the back jackets of the books with your arm around me that you had picked up at the library during a wii break yesterday with your daddy. Oh Jade, my baby, I hate having to be the mom first, the bad guy, cuz when you were born that windy night just six minutes after Thanksgiving Day 1997 began my best gal pal ever was placed in my arms while I cried tears of joy, my greatest blessing on Thanksgiving Day, the best one in heaven that night, sent to to me, goofy, lost, little ol me, enough fun and challenge and pride and personality and beauty and grace to make us a BIG family. And as I was tucking you in my exhausted girl, Friday night, I realized God would not bless me with you if he was punishing me with this horrible illness, he will not let us be separated without A Lot of comfort (and a lot of mommas for you, my gal pals) and promise for our eternal relationship along with Autumn your sister, who I will have waiting for me, to say, it's ok mama, I will distract you, we will be with Jade and Dad and Jade's husband and babies before you know it, and all our tears will be wiped away forever. And us three girls will laugh together endlessly about that day at Target , and how earlier that day everything seemed so temporary for us. That will seem really funny... it will all be ok. I love you forever, Jade, Momma